Carmen is 2!!

My sweet Carmen is 2 years old today. Time sure flies. It seems like yesterday she was just a tiny little thing... and now she's 2.

From this:


To this:

Oh, puke.

Today while I was making lunch, Sofia decided to somehow open and dump a can of wet cat food on the couch. It's microfiber, so it's not stained. I cleaned it up very well, then febreezed it.... but it still stinks like shitty gross cat food.

To top that off.... I dyed some roving today. So my house smells like catfood and wet wool.

So not a good thing when you're pregnant.


The good news.... I'm still adorable.... in a chubby pregnant glowing sort of way. ;)

Sewing clothes for the girls!!

Never thought I'd make matching outfits for the girls.... But I did. and I LOVELOVELOVE them!!!
Does that make me a nerdy mom?

For Sofia...


And for Carmen...

Baby names, baby names.... where are you??

I'm lost this time. Alex is shooting down names left and right. Yet.... he doesn't have a single suggestion. Nice, right?
We never really decide until we see the baby anyway, but we do go in with ideas. This time, we have no ideas. Well, I do. But they've been shot down.
Audrey, Isabel, Estella, Evelyn, Imogen, Scarlett, Oh, I need to go through the baby name books again. I have a zillion names highlighted in my color from our last pregnancy. I think alex may have highlighted about 2 in his color.
It'll remain a mystery for a while longer.

Ta-DA!!!

I made Sofia some socks! Not bad for a sock noob, huh??

My second yarn!

I think it could have been worse. I am taking a class on Wednesday. I'm really excited about it.

Adventures in *Not Really* Spinning

She's together.... I still haven't came up with a name. How about &^$^*%$^*%)*&^&^$% ?? Beautiful, though...



Look how happy and naive I am.... (was)



I'm not sure exactly what I was thinking.... well, actually I was thinking that I'd sit down and spin a nice perfect yarn my first time and then knit a hat. All in a night..... so I know WHAT I was thinking, but I'm now wondering WHY I was thinking that.

Ummmmm.... spinning yarn is NOT easy. It did not come naturally to me. I came out with some yarn, if you can call it yarn. Probably not technically yarn. More like "horrid unspunsuperspun". It was either super kinky and overtwisted, or not twisted at all and kind of falling apart.

OK, yes, there were random areas throughout that looked ok. Good, even. But mostly not. And when you're doing something that you don't know how to do... something you suck at... it isn't much fun.

Please tell me it gets easier!! Tell me that I won't suck at this forever! Tell me I won't suck for a whole month until the LYS offers the beginners spinning class!! Because i do not want to suck for a month!

You can't even really see the yarn in the picture, but I've got to show it anyway. There's this on the bobbin and a pile of discarded kinky fuzzy stringy yarny stuff on my dining room floor.

LOOK who is coming to live with me!!!

It's an ashford traveller spinning wheel. I need to name her, don't I?

I looked at wheels the other day at the local LYS and narrowed it down to 2... I liked them equally in most aspects, but this one was MUCH prettier.

I'm sooooooo excited! SO excited. I can't wait to spin some yarn!

Can I just swoon over Alex??

Do you ever wonder how it's possible to love a man SO much that it can literally make your heart beat faster? I LOVE this man! I love everything about him. I love how he loves me. I LOVE him!

I have so many reasons. More reasons than I could ever list.

But today, he told me he was proud of me for knitting!! He's proud when I do little things... like teaching myself to knit. He's proud when I sell a diaper, or when someone comments on something that I made. Honestly, with the way he gets, you'd think HE made it/did it himself. He loves me like that.

I am so incredibly lucky!

I did it!!!!! I DID IT!!!

I taught myself to KNIT!
My first project was a scarf.... it turned out better than I thought it would.


Scarves aren't fun knitting. It's repetitive. And kind of boring. But I think it's a learning to knit right of passage. I'll do another when I try out cables. Cabled scarves are pretty.

With the scarf finished, and me hooked already, I had to dive right into something else. Something that would give me pretty quick gratification, meaning something small. Small..... what could I make that was small? Why, a newborn baby kimono sweater, that's what!! Knitted with merino wool yarn hand dyed by yours truly. It still needs ties but I can't find the only crochet hook I own, so that will have to wait.


I am pretty sure that a hoodie sweater for my Sofia in heathered pink wool is next. :)

I'm dyeing yarn!!

I don't know how to knit... YET. But I had to dye some yarn to knit up before I could learn. Makes sense, right?? Well... I could have bought already dyed yarn. But alot of the reson that I wanted to learn to knit is so that I could dye the yarn my very own self. And I love it already. LOVE it.

Is it possible to have too many hobbies? If it is, I am probably on the brink.

I am pretty impressed with myself. The first one... the pink and turquoise is hand painted. It was an adventure to get there, but I got there. I though it was ugly before I would it into a skein (is that actaully a skein?) but I found I quite like it!
The second is space dyed on the stovetop. It's pretty bright. But it will make a nice wool scarf for a little girl!

FOUR girls.

That's how many we'll have come January.
It's definitely not what I expected the ultrasound tech to tell me. I mean, seriously. What are the chances of 4 girls in a row? For me.... apparently very good. I wouldn't have thought so. But here we are. We'll have another little baby girls!! A baby sister for 3 girls and another daughter for us!
I am happy. I can't wait to meet her. I'd love to figure out a few names, but my man muffin isn't being helpful. He keeps throwing out boys names. Maybe next time, honey.

Unmotivated.

I have so much on my list.
Yet... I can't seem to get anything done. I'm just feeling so tired, and a bit sick all the time. I get little spurts of energy, but all those are good for are the normal daily chores that must be done anyway.... none of the extras on my list.

I'm not sure, but I *think* I may have felt the baby move a couple of times. I mean... it could have been digestion, but I swear it felt like baby!! And if anyone else would have told me that they felt a baby move around 11 weeks, I'd say "Pfft, you're crazy and imagining things." which I very well could be. But it feels real. And if I feel my belly, I can feel my uterus (TMI?) and that's exactly where the feelings are coming from. I'm probably crazy. But it sure is a nice thought.

I heard the heartbeat on a doppler!!

What a wonderful sound. The bean is thriving in there. I'm pleased. :)
I'm 8 weeks 2 days, still nauseated, so tired.....

I really hope alex gets his son. I'll be happy either way, but a boy would be such happy news for Alex. He LOVES the girls. But men want sons. Sons who will grow up to be just like their daddies. And if we have a son who grows up to be like his daddy, he'll make some woman very happy some day. And I'll be a very proud mama. Maybe my husband will get his Christian Alexander this time?

Did I mention that my husband is the most amazing man in the world? Now, I know you are all thinking... "No... sorry. MY husband is the most amazing." But I'll argue that. Mine is. He's wonderful. First of all.... he's HOT. Second of all, he's sensitive (honey... don't worry. I mean sensitive in a manly way) He's never mean. He writes amazing love letters. He spoils me. He does anything he can to make us happy. There's more. Much more.

In our wedding album, we have a letter printed, written by Victor Hugo, that was perfect for us:

My dearest,
When two souls, which have sought each other for,
however long in the throng, have finally found each other ...a union, fiery and pure as they themselves are... begins on earth and continues forever in heaven.

This union is love, true love, ... a religion, which deifies the loved one, whose life comes from devotion and passion, and for which the greatest sacrifices are the sweetest delights.

This is the love which you inspire in me... Your soul is made to love with the purity and passion of angels; but perhaps it can only love another angel, in which case I must tremble with apprehension.

Yours forever,
Victor Hugo (1821)

A death, a positive pregnancy test (or 20) and more....

It's been a while, hasn't it?
I'm going to try and update more often.

Here's what's going on with our family at the moment. It's not good. It's really sad.
My brothers perfect little 3 week old baby passed away in his sleep on May 6th. It was ruled a SIDS death. I wish there was a reason, something to blame but there isn't. He was beautiful and perfect and will live in our hearts forever. It has been a very hard time for all of us. I'm not sure why things happen sometimes. Maybe he was too perfect for earth. I'd like to think healing can start now... but it doesn't feel like it has.

I'm pregnant again. Yes... number 4!
I'm 5 weeks, 1 day today. I try and keep my hopes low for the first 12 weeks, but it's hard to not get excited even though I know it's super early and anything can still happen. I'm a bit of a pessimist. Always have been. I don't like to admit it. But there you go. I can't rest assured until a baby pops out. Even then.... another set of worries.

The girls are so big now. I need to get more pictures taken. They are just beautiful!!
Alex is as wonderful as ever. He's overseas. I miss him so much. Lucky him.... he gets to miss morning sickness. Lucky me.... I get to take care of 3 girls and a Great Dane who is impossible to train with the amount of free time I have, all while trying not to throw up. it should be an adventure.
Alex will pay.
Not sure how. But he will.

I have been taking a break from sewing Fattycakes diapers with all the craziness of life lately. I hope to be back to sewing soon. Just a few more things I need to get done.

I'm a blogging slacker!

We had to get a new computer, and I couldn't remember how to log in to my posting page. Obviously, I found it.
I'm up way past my bedtime...
I'm usually up way past my bedtime. It's a nasty habit. I get some *me* time after the girls are in bed and I take it a little too far. Tomorrow is a snow day so we will get to sleep in a little later, but I know I'll still have to drag my butt out of bed.
The girls are sometimes known to sleep LATE. 10am occasionally. I hope tomorrow is one of those days. Usually those days are mornings I get up early because I actually DID go to bed on time. They get up early when I stay up late. How do kids know? Because I really think they do it on purpose. In fact, I KNOW they do. Because my children are lovely like that. ;)

I made new waldorf dolls!!

And although they aren't perfect, I'm pretty darn proud!
The button jointed doll is much easier to sew than the traditional doll. But I really like the traditional dolls better.
The girl is for Miss Sofia. The boy is for a friend that has the most adorable little boy who Sofia is going to marry someday.
My sewing machine is in the shop until tomorrow... so they're naked for now :)tomorrow, I'll get started on that.

I'm sick....

I think it's a stomach virus. I woke up throwing up. At 4 in the morning.
I was angry that Alex wasn't there. I was dreading getting up to take O to school. (We made it, but I stayed in my jammies. You can always throw on some Uggs over jammies and still look cute. I swear, it's the shoes that does it. Plus.. no need to find socks.)
I did let her skip band, though.
What do you do when a kid doesn't want to stick with something like band? She wanted to do it at the beginning of the year, and now she wants to quit. Do you let them quit? Do you make them stick to it? I just don't know.
My sewing machine should be back from the shop tomorrow. I don't know yet if it will cost me anything or not. If it's a computer problem like they think it is... then it's covered under warranty. If it's mechanical.... well, I'll be screwed. I want it back. I have diapers to sew!
Carmen turned 1. She is crazy walking around talking. She kicks Sofia's ass all the time. She just charges her and knocks her down. Isn't that backwards? Isn't the big kid supposed to beat on the littler kid? Not in this house, I guess. My poor little Sofia!! Little Curly Sue. Little Mo-beef!
She can hold her own, she just needs to realize it.
Alex comes home Saturday!! I'm so excited. I can't wait for this job to be over for good. I want my husband home all the time!

My husband said......

That the doll looks like a teletubby.
She does NOT.
Does she???

I made Sofia a waldorf doll.

She LOVES her. I have never seen her like this with any toy. Ever. This doll is magical.
Waldorf dolls are very special. They are made of all natural materials...cotton knit skin, wool yarns for hair, and are stuffed with pure carded wool. It may have been the most difficult thing that I've ever made. She is NOT perfect but I've been told I did very well for my first try.


Here she is before I sewed up the jammies and hat...

I AM working on the hair... but it's hard and time consuming.

Minimizing Christmas...

Or not really Christmas... But the excess in gifts, toys, materialism.
I'm trying to explain it to Olivia now. We've always gotten her everything on her list. And I don't want to do that anymore. I want to get/make the girls each a few special things. I don't want to rush out to the store, list in hand, and buy everything on a piece of paper.
I explained to Olivia that it's better this way.
We'll celebrate the season wholeheartedly, listening to music. Baking cookies. Cutting down and decorating a tree. Crafts and projects. Stories by the fire.
Olivia asked... "Why? Are we poor now?" I told her: "No, I just want Christmas to be about Christmas and not just about getting 'stuff'."
I'm not sure she understands but I want to make this Christmas the best Christmas ever without the excess. And then maybe she'll understand.

I *can* and *do* suck at something!

Painting furniture. I suck at it. I just figured... well... this may sound bad, but I have done well in everything I've tried to do so far.
My first cake ever:

Carving pumpkins...


photography:

sewing:

I mean.... I try something and I just do pretty well. But I painted a bookshelf and chair for Miss Sofia and it doesn't look so hot. I don't have a picture yet, but let me tell ya. This baby needs some touch ups. It *is* cute. And from far away it looks pretty darn good. But I really thought I'd have done a better job.
So much for my dreams of buying cool old furniture pieces and refinishing them.

I think it's mostly because I didn't sand. I painted stripes and the blue tape pulled paint AND primer off in chunks. That isn't supposed to happen, right? Damn. I knew I should have rough sanded. But I have so many things on my to do list that I thought that i'd just skip that step and it'd be just fine.
Hmph!

OKAY.

I'm nearly done unpacking... but I guess I've hit a slump. I can't make myself finish. So there are random boxes here and there, just waiting.
The dog is insane. He zooms around the house bouncing off the walls. But at the dog park he's a chicken shit. He killed his hedgehog today. First he pulled out the squeaker. Then he spread the stuffing all over the room. He was 17 lbs when we got him a month ago. He is now 37 lbs. I need to measure his height but haven't found either of my measuring tapes.
The girls are all wonderful. Beautiful and sweet. Miss O has started 5th grade and is loving her class. She wants to join band and play the trumpet. Funny... my girl and her trumpet. Sofia is talking non-stop and I can understand pretty much everything. Except when she's speaking spanish. She definitely knows more spanish than I do. Carmen is crawling around, says ooow, and uh-oh. she pulls up to standing now and wants to suck on the dog.
That's it in a nutshell. Life is busy. Very busy. But good.

Moving stinks.

And would somebody tell my husband that it is easier to do a u-haul in 1 day than to space loads out over several days in the back of a truck or our minivan?? I *think* he thinks that it's easier since you don't have to do it all at once... but it isn't. We could get it done in one day, but nope. And he refuses to ask for help. Our neighbor is helping a bit. But he wants to do it all himself. I told him to call up his army buddies and have them come down, get a u-haul and it'd be over in a few hours. Nope. Won't ask. Grrr.
I love my stubborn husband, though.

Yep, another one!

I promise I'll start posting more interesting things as soon as puppy fever wears off!

Mmmmmmm. Puppy breath!

Our newest addition!!

His name is Odin and he's an 8 week old Merle Great Dane. He's just the sweetest little guy but he won't stay little for long!

I'm ready....

to go home. I feel blessed that we've been able to take such a long vacation. We visited San Francisco, Los Angeles, Disneyland and Knotts Berry Farm, Mexico, and now Texas... visiting my wonderful inlaws. We're going over to Schlitterbahn (In New Braunfels, Tx) Monday. Which for the past 8 years has been voted #1 waterpark in the world. I'm so excited to play like a kid in the water! Although not so much at the thought of getting into a bathing suit. Seriously. I look just fine in jeans. Without them.... well, that's another story.
We'll be heading home next Sunday. How wonderful it has been to be able to just "take a couple months". I'm so blessed that Alex was able to take a couple months off work to travel! We didn't go anywhere exotic, but it's ok. We've made amazing memories that will last a lifetime. Besides... Next spring when Carmen is weaned, we will be going somewhere alone. The honeymoon that will be 5 years overdue. I'm picturing white sand, turquoise water, drinks with umbrellas....
I will be sad to end this journey, but so happy to be home in my own bed. Happy to reunite with my photography and my sewing. And the wonderful tap water. And my family.
While away our dog Sadie had to be put down. It hasn't hit me, really. But I'm sure it will when we get home. When I see something of hers. Poor, poor Sadie Mae. I hope she was as happy as she seemed.
We'll be home soon and life will be normal again.... whatever that means.

Look, mama!! Look what I can do!

Where IS IT??????

That pink and aqua dress I made for Sofia... I can NOT find it ANYWHERE. The pants too, so I'm sure they have to be together, right??? But I've looked everywhere. I even dug through the bags of clothes in the basement. Went through the closets. Three times even. I've looked under the bed. I've looked in every diaper bag. The car. My fabric stash. EVERYWHERE. How can an entire outfit disappear? Seriously. It's 2:24 in the morning and I can't sleep because I'm so annoyed. I can make another. I have the fabric. But geez. Where IS IT???

They're MINE!

And I LOVE them!

Anxiety

I've been an anxious type all my life and sometimes my anxiety gets pretty yucky. I used to have a prescription that I could take every now and then when I was feeling particularly anxiety ridden... but for the past 3 years I've been pregnant or breastfeeding (or both!)and haven't been able to take anything.
Yeah, I know. Diet, exercise, vitamins... blah, blah, blah... Those things really never helped me. For the past 3 days or so I've been feeling it. I know I'm excited about Alex leaving the army, but maybe it's causing a little anxiety too? I can't quite pin point it. But I also can't think of anything else that could be causing it. My chest just feels tight and I have a bit of a butterfly feeling in my stomach.
I KNOW that caffeine doesn't help, and I always drink a morning latte. I'm quitting coffee tomorrow. Too late today. Already drank some. I do hope that will help.

Today is our last day......

as a military family!!!!!!
I'm just happy. Alex is handling it. Tomorrow we start the next chapter. It's exciting. I've never been in a situation where I didn't know exactly what would happen before. There is a plan in place.... BUT we can change our minds if we want to. And we can change them however many times we want to. The military doesn't own my husband anymore! We're going to make our own rules from tomorrow on!

Bitchy Know-it-alls...

I'm a magnet for them. I'm nice. I'm polite. I'm intelligent. So why do I attract these people? I don't talk out of my ass (usually). If I don't know something... I say so. If I do know something and can be helpful, I nicely try and help.
I don't get why some people are always argumentative. And passive aggressive.
Whatever.

Can't. Stop. EATING.

I'm just ravenous ALL the time! Like now... it's past midnight. I should be sleeping but I was just SO hungry I snarfed down a cheddarwurst. With spicy brown mustard. That was good. Just a hotdog and a fork and some mustard. Real good. The scary part..... I really, and I mean REALLY, want another. But I will not succumb. I'm stronger than Johnsonville. I think. I hope.
Last night, I woke up at 2:30 am because Alex and I fell asleep on the couch. I had a bowl of honey nut cheerios before getting into bed. Why? I felt like I hadn't eaten in a week.
I hope this stops soon! My ass can't take any more weight. ;)

Head over heels!

It's so amazing.... the feelings I get just thinking about my husband and my girls. I never imagined life could be so wonderful. Perfect even.

Alex is finally getting out of the army. 2 weeks and counting. 7 deployments, countless trips to the field, long hours and frustration. We're opening a new chapter. It's scary and exciting.
He loves his job. Being an Army Ranger meant the world to him. He did an amazing job at home and during combat. He was awarded a bronze star, fought long and hard, helped many people and now it's time. I can see his longing for it already, but I can see his excitement about building something new. This man.... I can't say enough. He is brilliant. He is strong. He is loving. He is proud. I love him. And the best part.... I KNOW he loves us more than anything. It's nice to have absolutely no doubts. He is my air.

He's taking 2 months off before starting his new job. During these months, we will travel, relax, plan and dream. The new job is another can of worms to be opened when the time actually comes.... But until then, I can relish in the fact that I'll have my husband all to myself for a couple of months.

I can't get ANYTHING done lately!

And it's not for lack of trying! I just can't seem to find time. Although I *AM* sitting here.... and I could be doing something else.
Alex is home. He's perfect. Maybe that's why I can't get anything done! We're catching up on everything we've missed out on in the last few months. we've visited relatives, had Easter, stayed up late talking and dreaming, visited the zoo.
Another thing... I am really not motivated to do anything. I should be motivated to sew. I have the cutest fabrics for little girly dresses. But even the thought of those yummy soft cotton fabrics aren't enticing enough. Got a new serger. Still not motivated.
I am seriously tired all the time. I'm going to the gym tonight... haven't been in 2 weeks and I'm feeling it. I think if I get there again, I'll wake up. i'll feel better and my energy will come back.

Soon....

I will be complete once again. I will have the love of my life back right where he belongs. I will have my best friend home! My husband. My soul mate. My world. My air.

Look what we're making!!!

Diaper Divas!!
Yep, it's official. I need help. But this is SO addicting! Go ahead... click it. You know you want to!
It's fun... there's a contest going right now and whoever posts the most this month gets a cool prize... an embroidered pocket diaper!

Diaper Divas

I love talking to my husband.

I love his laugh. It's so full of life. I can see his eyes shine from thousands of miles away just listening to his laugh over the phone. *sigh* I miss that man. Before too long he'll be home with us again and, oh, I have butterflies just thinking about it!

Watch out, boys!

Beauty!

Sewing is sooooo wonderful! And it fits her perfectly!

The gym....

Exactly HOW long do I need to go before I see results? I have been there 3 times a week for 6 weeks and I swear, there is no difference in my wobbly bits (Thanks for the phrase, Jones) I've been eating healthier. I would have thought that I'd be seeing SOMETHING.
*Sigh*.

I talked to Alex today. I'm so much in love with that man! He really is amazing. I know I say it a lot. But really, I could never say it enough.

Which random phallic object are you?

Which random phallic object are you?
Quiz by Andrea.

I was looking through my pictures... this is how I KNOW they're mine!!

6 foot 4 with rock hard muscles, and he sews. Alex is now allowed on the *good* machine. He wasn't when this picture was taken. He's still NOT going to be allowed near my new Ginghers. He may never be.
Olivia was sewing a pencil pouch she designed from scratch. She's brilliant.

Baby lust? Now? Already?

I mean... come on!
I went for my annual today... and since I haven't had a period yet (I'm nursing... so I wouldn't expect one!) the doctor made me take a blood pregnancy test. As I was driving home, I felt that tickle of anticipation. Deep down I KNOW I'm not pregnant. But there is a part of me that sort of wished that by some strange fluke, my fertility returned early and we caught it before Alex was deployed.
No. I know it's not likely. Probably more likely that Alex is pregnant. Which is obviously impossible. Sigh.
I thought today: what if I can't stop having babies? What if I can't control myself and I end up with 14 kids? I can see that happening. Because when baby fever hits me it knocks the sense out of me. Obviously. Listen to me! Alex would have a heart attack if he even knew this thought was being entertained. Logically... no more than 5. I will NOT drive a full sized van! A mini van is as far as I go. And I never thought I'd go there!
We were originally planning to have 4. But after Carmen was born and I realized that I only got to do it one more time, I raised. Alex wants 7. So if I want... I can raise again. And again. You never know where you might end up.

Update on Carmen

My tiny is off her antibiotics! We saw the pediatric nephrologist and he cleared her. He said he'd like to do a follow up ultrasound in April to monitor the progress, but that he was almost certain that it would be unremarkable!
I'm so relieved.
Not that there aren't a zillion other worries to be had..... but we can scratch this one off the list!

Sofia is 2!!!!

I can't believe how time flies. I remember laying in the hospital waiting for her to arrive, and I remember the first time I put her to the breast. I remember looking at her scrunched up red newborn face and savoring every moment, every breath, every inch of her soft skin.
Now she runs around chasing our poor doggy with her red plastic chair, throws the cel phone into the toilet, spills milk on purpose, steals Carmens binkie, tells ME no........ and I still savor every moment of this craziness.
My little girl is 2! And while I sometimes wish she could stay small forever, watching her grow is just as amazing.

What am I doing sitting here on my ass?

I REALLY need to get up and clean. But nope. Here I am. Parked on my butt when I have some serious work to do.

OK... well, I did pay bills. That's the fun on the 15th. Bills. And now that those are done, I need to get the real work done. But I don't want to. I hate dishes. I hate laundry. I hate vacuuming. I hate dusting. I hate taking out the garbage.
I wish I were one of those people who kept an immaculate home. I wish it were easy. I look at the fly-lady website and I cringe. I am not sure I am cut out for this.
Can't I just have a cleaning lady? The woman across the street has one that she really likes. And she only charges about $10/ hour. All I'd really need is about an hour or 2 or 5 a week. The thing about cleaning ladies, though, is they don't *do* your clutter. And that's most of my problem. My mom came over a few weeks ago and we clean sweep'd my living room. It's still clean. If you don't count the clean, unstuffed diapers on the rocking chair. The toys scattered about, the mail on the end table. That's an easy fix, though. That would take like 5 minutes to clean up.
The thing is.. I can't seem to get off my butt.

I made Sofia's birthday dress!

How cute is this?? I can't wait to take her 2 year pictures in it. I *hope* I can get her to sit still. But... she's 2. My baby is turning 2!!