Can I keep my new butt??

My new, rounder, more voluptuous butt. But lose the rest? The belly can go. The thigh fat can go. The arm fat can go. The back fat. Oh... The back fat. How I used to make fun of people who had back fat spilling up over the backs of their too tight britches. And now I'm one of them! I am a "back fat girl".
I *should* buy a few larger pairs of pants to wear for now. I have maybe 2 pairs that I can wear now without looking like a hussy. (The jeans I have on now.... Whoa baby. Painted on. I'm NOT leaving the house in them, for sure.) But what if I get comfortable in them? What if I am destined to keep these 20 pounds?? I swear I had lost more than this by now the last time I had a baby. Maybe not. I didn't keep track. But I hate being this fat! No, I don't have issues. I swear, I don't. I just don't like weighing 140 pounds. 20 extra pounds on someone my size SHOWS. And right now, it's showing in the middle. Noticeable.... The back fat.
But I'd like to keep the butt. Ok?

Woweee. I could be a juggie!

My wonderful husband has nominated ME to be the next juggie on the Man Show. I got these boobs for the general purpose of feeding the baby. Funny, he's supposedly a butt-man. At least he IS while I have no boobs. But while I'm breastfeeding, and they elevate me to juggie status... he's a boob guy.
I say he's swine.
But I love him.

My husband, the hero....

Alex was recently awarded a bronze star. I am so proud of that man!

I swear!

And I KNOW I say this every year. Every.... single.... stinking....YEAR. I am going to do my Christmas shopping all year long.
If I see something on super-clearance (I could have snagged some of the coooooolest things) I think I'll just buy it. I'll put it in a box labeled "gifts". And whenever we need a gift, I can go in the box and get one. And by Christmas... it'll be full and we won't be scurrying around at the last minute trying to find presents for the zillion and one people that expect them.

I'm going to do it. I am. I know it.

I kind of miss it....

I miss being pregnant!!
I'm SO glad Carmen is here. But I miss the excitement of not knowing what she looked like, when she'd come, what her name would be. The kicks and rolls. The discomforts. (OK... I *can* do without those) I miss that. I'm glad she isn't our last baby. I can't wait to do it all over again.

It's amazing... this family that we're building. Now there are 5 of us. And God willing there will be more! It feels perfect to me. I know Alex REALLY wants a boy... and I do hope to give him one. I love the fact that I have all girls! I love saying "The girls" or "My girls" and making fun of my husband... "You know you are outnumbered....... For LIFE!" Because I don't think we'll be having 3 more children. And even if we did... what would the chances be that they'd all be boys?? Slim, right?

You never know, though.

Sneaker, sneaker, Christmas peeker!

Yes, you! You know who you are. You know what you did! You know you peeked!

I bought my lovely husband some merchandise off of ebay and he logged in and peeked. And I got my present back in October... so there are NO surprises in this house, this year! Oh well.... we still have LOVE! And that is all that really matters!

Dear Alex,

My husband.... I love you!!
Never in a million years would I have thought that I'd be so lucky as to find a man as amazing as you. You are perfect. You are selfless. You are brave. You are caring, loving and warm. You make people laugh. You put people at ease everywhere we go. You're a wonderful father and husband. I could go on and on and still, I could never tell you enough. Words can't even begin to express how I feel. I love you, I love you... a thousand times. I love you! I love how when we kiss I still get butterflies. I love how I melt right into your arms when we go to sleep. I love how I fit right under your chin when we embrace. I love the way you love ME! I am just so thankful that you are in my life.
Te amo, mi esposo. I NEED you. You are my air.
Love forever, your wife.

Love.....

"When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn't bend over and paint her toenails anymore. So my grandfather does it for her all the time, even when his hands got arthritis too. That's love."
Rebecca- age 8
"When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. You just know that your name is safe in their mouth."
Billy - age 4
"Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving cologne and they go out and smell each other."
Karl - age 5
"Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your French fries without making them give you any of theirs."
Chrissy - age 6
"Love is what makes you smile when you're tired."
Terri - age 4
"Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip before giving it to him, to make sure the taste is OK."
Danny - age 7
"Love is when you kiss all the time. Then when you get tired of kissing, you still want to be together and you talk more. My Mommy and Daddy are like that. They look gross when they kiss"
Emily - age 8
"Love is what's in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening presents and listen."
Bobby - age 7 (Wow!)
"If you want to learn to love better, you should start with a friend who you hate,"
Nikka - age 6 (we need a few million more Nikka's on this planet)
"Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it everyday."
Noelle - age 7
"Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still friends even after they know each other so well."
Tommy - age 6
"During my piano recital, I was on a stage and I was scared. I looked at all the people watching me and saw my daddy waving and smiling.
He was the only one doing that. I wasn't scared anymore."
Cindy - age 8
"My mommy loves me more than anybody
You don't see anyone else kissing me to sleep at night."
Clare - age 6
"Love is when Mommy gives Daddy the best piece of chicken."
Elaine-age 5
"Love is when Mommy sees Daddy smelly and sweaty and still says he is handsomer than Robert Redford."
Chris - age 7
"Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left him alone all day."
Mary Ann - age 4
"I know my older sister loves me because she gives me all her old clothes and has to go out and buy new ones."
Lauren - age 4
"When you love somebody, your eyelashes go up and down and little stars come out of you." (what an image)
Karen - age 7
"Love is when Mommy sees Daddy on the toilet and she doesn't think it's gross"
Mark - age 6
"You really shouldn't say 'I love you' unless you mean it. But if you mean it, you should say it a lot. People forget."
Jessica - age 8
And the final one --Author and lecturer Leo Buscaglia once talked about a contest he was asked to judge.
The purpose of the contest was to find the most caring child.
The winner was a four year old child whose next door neighbor was an elderly gentleman who had recently lost his wife.
Upon seeing the man cry, the little boy went into the old gentleman's yard, climbed onto his lap, and just sat there.
When his Mother asked what he had said to the neighbor, the little boy said,
"Nothing, I just helped him cry"

Not that terribly impressed....

With the Dyson vacuum. I just HAD to have it. So we bought it last summer. Don't get me wrong.... It's an OK vacuum. It's just not SUPER.
I like how it empties with the squeeze of a lever (one handed). I like how it has no filters to replace. And I also like how you can clean the inside parts.
But....
The attachment hose is awkward at best.
It really doesn't seem to suck any better that my old vacuum.... But I will say that when the filter is clean, it does a good job. Again...My old vacuum did a good job too.
I haven't even used the accessories. Like the low reach tool that I was going to use ALL THE TIME. But that's really because I can't vacuum under my bed anyway.... where else would I push/hide/store all my crap if it weren't for the space under the bed???
So... Was it worth the money?? Maybe. And that would be just for the way it empties. Plus it's purple. But if you were to ask me if you should get one.... I'd say buy a Hoover for $100 and spend the other $300 on something fun. :) Like photography equipment, or cloth diapers!

Christmas shopping!!

We've finished buying Sofias gifts. I want to get Carmen something.... but I don't know what yet. I am half way done shopping for Miss O. I still need to get her her *big* present... I think she wants a robosapien, but she may still change her mind. We'll see what she says by the end of the week. Her list was funny. Erasers. All sorts of them. The funniest thing she wanted was a set of cheese erasers. I assume they're just cheese shaped?? I need to ask her.

I have NO idea what I'm going to get for Alex. He always says not to get him anything and we all KNOW that I can't just get him nothing..... so I am stuck. I wish he'd just tell me what he wants!! Maybe I'll get *him* some really cool cookware (I've had my eye on some bakeware at Macy's).
then maybe next year he'll tell me what he wants so I don't have to buy him something *I* want and pretend it's for him!

My poor Carmen!

She needs to see the kidney specialist. She still has a back up of fluid in her kidneys..... Bilateral hydronephrosis to be exact. The had found the fluid during my prenatal ultrasounds. They said it usually resolves itself before or shortly after birth and it hasn't.
What does it mean?? Well.... she has to take prophylactic antibiotics daily (until the problem is fixed) She needs this because the fluid that backs up can cause kidney infections. The antibiotics should prevent infection. We'll see the specialist and he will decide if Carmen needs close observation, more ultrasounds and antibiotics until resolved, or if she needs surgery because there is an actual obstruction.
Most likely, as she grows... the ureters will grow and the flow will improve. That's what they hope will happen.

I hope my little baby doesn't need surgery.

My beautiful baby.....

She is so beautiful... I need to remember every little part! Here's her baby parts collage. Something I know I will treasure forever!

My first day home alone.

It wasn't as scary as I thought it'd be. Everything did get done a little later than usual. Showers didn't happen until noon. But that's ok.
Carmen hasn't cried once. Then again, I've only put her down once. I managed to wash and dry 2 loads of laundry. It's not folded.... but it's clean! The dishes got put away. But I didn't wash any of the dirty ones.
Mostly all I did was love on my babies, and that's all I really need to do.

Carmen

Newborn babies. The smell, the fragility, the awe, the beauty, the smallness, the absolute intensity. I am amazed all over again. Words cannot even begin to express this love.

How it happened...

I was ready!The doctor stripped my membranes on Wednesday. I didn't think it would work because I wasn't crampy afterwards. I had thanksgiving dinner on Thursday. Alex's sister came in from NY and we thought it would be the perfect time to have her since we won't see her again for at least a year because she'll be getting deployed soon. Apparently Miss Carmen wanted to meet her aunt because on Friday after a shopping trip to REI, and I mean the minute I sat down in the car to go home, contractions started at about 5 minutes apart. We got home and since I thought i wasn't really in labor we ate dinner and I jumped in the bath. Contractions were then about 3-4 minutes apart. Alex convinced me it was time to go in. I was convinced they'd send me home. We got to the hospital at 11:45pm and I was contracting every 3 minutes. They determined that, yes, I was in true labor. I was 4cm and 75% effaced. I was admitted and I got an epidural. Alex and I talked about names and waited. At about 5:15 in the morning I was feeling pressure and was told I was complete. I pushed for about 3 contractions and Pip was here!We didn't name her until that night. All I knew was that she didn't look like an Astrid. Maybe the next one will?? We're all so much in love with this little girl. I'm tired and of course trying to do too much but I'm so happy!

Carmen Alexandra has arrived!

She didn't look like an Astrid at all.
November the 26th, 2005.
8lbs 11oz and 20.5" long.
We are all in love.

Remembering Sofia's birth.

Sofia was born February 16th, 2004 at 3:04 am. She weighed7lbs 8 ozs.
I had my membranes stripped on friday the 13th..... I was at 3cm.
I woke up the night of the 15th to contractions which were more painful than I thought they should be, but they were coming only every 1/2 hour, so I could still sleep between them. I knew I'd be in labor the next day. I woke up at about 8am, and the contx were still 1/2 hour apart. By 11am, I was ready to get things moving, so Alex, Olivia and I decided to walk to the store and then the post office to see if that might help progress me. Contx were then anywhere between 5 and 8 minutes apart. We walked about 1/2 block when I had a contx that had me doubled over in pain. Alex thought that we should bring Olivia to her friends house, and we should run our errands in the car, then go to the hospital. I agreed.
We got to the hospital with contx every 4-6 minutes at about 12:30pm. I was checked and the doctor told me I was at 3 almost 4cm, and that I couldn't possibly be in labor. My cervix wasn't ready, he said. He sent me home, defeated. I knew I was in labor, but I stayed home from 1:30 to 6:30. I didn't want to go back to the hospital to get sent home again. I was in the bath for the last 2 hours at home. Contx were every 4 minutes and I was crying through them. Alex was with me the whole tome. Alex told me it was time to go back to the hospital, so we went.
At the hospital, I was still crying with the contx, trying to breathe, but was so frustrated because I was afraid of being sent home again. The nurse saw my pain, and didn't even put me in triage, just led me to my room. (The first resident checked me and told me I was 10cm and needed to get ready to push.... THAT was freaky! I am glad he was wrong. I was not about ready to push without getting my epi!!) I was checked by my doctor,and I was a good 4-small 5cm.That was discouraging. This was at about 7pm. I was immediately started on an IV and labs were drawn for an epidural. An hour and a half later, I was in heaven. My mom and dad both came to meet us. I labored to 6cm with my epidural, and at about 11:30 I started to feel pressure. The nurse assured me this was normal, and it shouldn't get too bad. It did. By midnight all my feeling was back. I was at 6cm. I also had the urge to push already. They said that it was because the baby was so low, even though my cervix wasn't open enough. It happens sometimes, I guess.
I was contracting every 2 minutes and had about 30 to 45 seconds in between contx with the urge to push too early. I alternated between panic, and good breathing. (I would get checked, a little progress, but not enough in my book... I would get discouraged and panic, cry, forget to breathe.) After a while, I'd be breathing through the contractions. Get checked again, (after thinking that I had to be complete by now) with just a little more progress.. panic again. All the while they were trying new numbing meds in my epidural to see if it would help at all. It didn't. I had to fight the urge to push for 3 hours. It was the most excruciating pain I have ever felt. Alex, my mom, dad and my nurse were all amazing and made me feel so strong. It's because of them that I made it. During my last 2 contractions before they let me push, I KNEW I was complete. It's amazing how strong that urge to push was. The good side is that she was out within 3 contractions because she was already so low. Pushing was scary. It felt good to push with the contractions, but the burning feeling was intense. I was sure I would tear end to end, but I only had 2 small tears, no stitches needed.
They announced she was a girl and put her on my chest while Alex cut the cord. She nursed immediately. While she was nursing the doctor was checking me out and delivered the placenta. Alex said that the DR put his hand right up in there and made sure my uterus was empty. I've heard of that. I did not even know. I didn't feel a thing. Her apgars were 9 and 9. She is beautiful. My father videotaped the birth, and it's amazing. (He got a wonderful angle that wasn't too revealing)
I wasn't sure how I'd feel with my mom and dad there, but I am so glad they were. It was an amazing experience and I don't think I'd even trade even the pain for anything. It's nice to know now that I can do it again, no matter how bad it hurts.
Olivia was extatic when I called her in the morning and told her she had a sister. She desperately wanted her to be a girl. I was so happy to tell her.
She is nursing every 1.5 to 2 hours, co sleeping and I love it! I am so happy, life couldn't get any better. I have been having periods where I just want to cry looking at both of my beautiful daughters, but the tears are pure joy. Life is amazing. I am making my birth announcements, and found a quote for the bottom.. I'm sure you've all seen this one:

Before you were conceived I wanted you
Before you were born I loved you
Before you were here an hour I would die for you
This is the miracle of love. -Maureen Hawkins

Being a mother is absolutely what life is all about. I love everything about Sofia and Olivia.

I've found a piece of Heaven!

Vegetarian sushi!
A little wasabi, a little soy sauce, some chopsticks! Yum-ma!
I don't really-really like the fishy kind, anyway.... I used to eat the california rolls with the imitation crab. But this. This is too good to be true. Cucumber, carrot and avacado wrapped in rice, seaweed, more rice and sesame seeds. Who'd have thought that something with so little ingredients could make me so incredibly happy.
I could kiss the chef who invented veggie sushi.

This waiting is the pits.

I know she's coming soon... And she will as soon as she's ready! But this waiting! Every twinge or pain, every little cramp..... It's like Chinese water torture. I woke up all night last night with contractions and back pain and this morning... whattya know. Nothing! Nothing! Nothing!

That's good, though... No, really. Because:
I want to see a movie this weekend. Have a date with Alex.... this will probably be our last weekend where we can go on a date for a long time! Alex's sister is coming up Thanksgiving to stay for the weekend, so no dates are happening then. It really WOULD be nice to have a baby by thanksgiving. Jess won't have another chance to see the baby for at least a year... Because she'll be deployed. So, Pip... if you want to meet your aunt Jessica before you can walk... you need to come out!!

BUT, I really DO want a December baby. I'm just being impatient. December is such a romantic and magical month and November is..... November.

Isn't it funny.... this is something I have absolutely NO control over and it is driving me insane.
If I had control it would be December 1st today and I would be having this baby right now. :)
Oh, and it wouldn't hurt.

Oh, My, GOSH.

OK... panic has officially set in. How stupid is it to look at pictures of labor and birth when you have NO CHOICE but to do it in the next few weeks?! I realize now that I can't change my mind. I have to push a baby out of a very small opening very soon and YES I remember EXACTLY what it feels like!!

Do you think that because the epidural wore off and wouldn't take a second time last time that it's more likely to happen again? Because I really want the epidural to work this time. I mean.... I really NEED it to work this time.
Yes, I know. I did do it. I survived. I experienced over 5 hours of unmedicated labor, pushing, crowning. Oh....and the ring of fire. So yeah, I CAN do it. I just hope that the epidural works. Because I was that screaming lunatic woman you only see on TV. And if my epidural doesn't work this time, that will be me again.
I don't know if I just have a low pain threshhold... or if some people have more painful labors. All I know is that the women who do this unmedicated, by choice, sometimes at home... wow. All I have to say is WOW. You are all amazing. (But I bet my pain is worse that yours ..wink.. )

I can't sleep....

And when I do, I don't sleep well! Unless it's midday and I'm napping with Sofia. I sleep great then! The problem is that I can't sleep for very long during that time.

I'm sitting up right now. It's about midnight. I'm snacking on Tums. Feeling the baby kick various organs... like my cervix and bladder, ribs and diaphragm... all of which cause pain, and I can't sleep. Oh, well. It's better to stay up than to toss around in bed. If I admit defeat and just stay up... then I won't be thinking of how I can't sleep. And eventually I will be tired enough to crawl back into bed. Yes... I WAS in bed. And I think I was almost asleep too. But not anymore.

Hmmm... What to do? What to do?
I'll share my 2 ALL TIME favorite pictures of the girls. These are from last summer.



I miss photography. I once had such a passion for it and somehow it fizzled. I need to get back into it. I'm hoping that it's just my fatigue that did it, and when I'm feeling myself again I'll jump back in. Having a newborn to photograph will be so much fun! There are so many poses I want to try with her. And she can't crawl (or run) away! It's just hard to do things like get down and take pictures when you feel so awful all the time. Plus, my current subjects aren't the most cooperative little things!
And anyway, how much time do I have left after sewing all these freaking diapers! (Not much...) I have 5 on the table right now in process (and almost finished) I'll add pictures when I'm done with them. I have to order 1 more batch of fabric tomorrow and the stash will be near completion. Then the only sewing I'll need to do is the sewing I want to do!
Here's the stash so far... Plus the 5 on the table and then 4 more yards of waterproof fabric that I'm ordering. So maybe 15 to 20 more?? I have 17 Sofia sized and 22 Pip sized, I think. I want to have about 24 Sofia sized and 36 Pip sized.... And that will be plenty!
http://photobucket.com/albums/d147/strawhatbratdiapers/
I'm having a ton of fun making these. I'll be sad when they're done. I'm sure I'll keep making them, though. Just not at this pace. I know I'll have too many diapers soon. And they're mostly all girly. And I bet our next baby will be a boy!

I'm TIRED!

I have dishes to do. But I don't want to do a thing! I did tidy up and vacuum today, but I can't get motivated. Where is that nesting urge? Because I really want to WANT to clean. And I SO don't.

Sofia and I took a nice nap today. I wasn't ready to get up when she did. Actually... I got up to open the door to wait for Miss Olivia and as soon as Sofia Stinkerina heard me creep out of bed her eyes popped open. I wanted to let O in, and get right back in bed. Then I wouldn't be thinking about dishes! Or about how my ribs were hurting me! Or about how I need to get to the grocery store and the weather looks too cold to even walk outside to the car so I want to stay inside with my heat up.

Ugh. I have to do those dishes.

2 cm dilated!

And I know it might (and probably does mean) absolutely NOTHING! But it's a start.
I am due in 4 weeks. 4 LONG weeks. Looooooooong weeks.
I am uncomfortable. But I am not ready for Pip (still Astrid... unless Alex wants to get hurt!) yet. I still want Sofia to be the baby for a while longer. When Pip does come, Miss Stinkerina will be a big sister. I know it will be a shock for her. I don't think she even really knows there's a baby in my belly. I honestly think she has no idea. Bt you never know. I do tell her, and she can feel her moving. but who knows what she thinks. Maybe she thinks Ive always been this huge!

We're going baby shopping this coming weekend to get all of the things I still need. Like a carseat, a bouncer, a portable swing. I still have a ton of diapers to make, and I want to make a pouch sling...BUT I may end up ordering one instead. Luckily Sofia wants to walk everywhere now, because I have no idea how to wear 2 kids! And I honestly don't think I'd really want to! Ouch. It's hard enough carrying Sofia with the baby in my belly.

Here's my 36 week belly picture. You see why I'm uncomfortable?!?!

Halloween candy is BAD.

Fun Size does NOT mean eat them all.
I will remember that next year. And No, Olivia, that's not YOUR candy you smell on my breath.

Oh my gosh!

1 more month until my baby is due!
I can't believe we are having a 3rd girl! I think the idea is settling with Alex. I know how badly he wanted a boy. Maybe next time. :) although if we ended up with all girls I would NOT be disappointed!
I love everything girly! Girly clothes, girly diapers, girly toys!

I have been having the WORST heartburn imaginable lately. The tums bottle says not to take more than 7 in a day and I take ALL 7 EVERY day! And I still have heartburn. I know it'll go away... I can do this for another month!

We may have a name. It's definitely not set in stone yet... Though we both love it. But Shhhhh! It's a secret..... We're really not telling family anymore because I'm sick of hearing other peoples negative opinions on names we love. I'll tell my mom, though... She'd never say anything negative. She's great about that.
We told a certain in-law a couple of names (not the name we have picked for now) and she flat out said... "Eeeewwwww. NO!" Ummmm..... Good thing that it's not your baby! And you're not naming her!! And now we won't tell you what her name is until she's born!!! (Well... if I have my say. Alex may spill it anyway. But I SO love this name and if she ruins it in his head I will not be happy!
The name we have picked as of now is:

Astrid Alexandra

I'm totally in LOVE with the name Astrid. The middle name I do love, but that's what I'm still thinking about. If she were born today her name would be Astrid.... no question about it. But the middle name ??? I think so, but I'm just not set.

Sadie had surgery.

They had to put her out to remove 2 tumors from her head. That was not cheap. I guess that's what happens when you have a zoo at home. Inevitably, one or more will need veterinary care. And you just do it. Because, even if you think that you don't like animals..... you realize you care more than you thought. Plus.... you don't want to look at that gross spot on her head anymore!

She's just fine now. And back to jumping on the furniture when we're not looking. She's on antibiotics and some sort of pain meds. Poor doggie. She takes her pills with cheese and I'm not even sure that she realizes that they're in there because she swallows her food whole. She should have been born a pig, not a dog.

New diaper additions!

Just finished 4 more smalls and 4 more mediums! I am loving the one that says "Got breastmilk?"

I am getting tired of sewing the same diaper over and over and over.... so I ordered a new pattern and hopefully this will put the... ummmm... Guess I'll just say spring back in my diaper sewing step as I can't come up with anything more clever.

I know I'll be happy when they're all done... and then I can learn how to sew clothes for the girls! Well... the littler ones, at least. I can hear Miss Olivia now. "Mom, you can't expect me to wear homemade clothes to school!" I also want to learn how to knit. I'm sure if I made a gorgeous knit wool hooded sweater Olivia'd take that one and wear it to school. So which is next?? Sewing clothes or knitting?? Hmmmmm. Dilemmas.

The pumpkin in the daylight...

For the non-believers!

Carving pumpkins....

This year the pumpkin I carved is supposed to look like Sofia! I didn't have a more recent picture that would have worked.... plus I was scared to try carving her curls! This was probably at about 6 mos old.

I wanted to carve one of Miss Olivia, but I didn't have a picture of her that was contrasty enough to make it work. So she's definitely next year. She didn't seem to mind, though. I sure do love that girl! She's the sweetest. She has the best little heart. I'm sure that all moms say that about their children... but Olivia is definitely something special.

I've been slacking...

On my photography.
I really wish it were easier to take my lights out. Even better, I wish I had a room that I could just leave all the studio equiptment set up in.
It also doesn't help that Miss O (who's gorgeous, so I don't understand) doesn't want her pictures taken and Miss Sofia Stinkerina just wants to play with my lens cap or walks right off the backdrop.

I can't wait until Pip is born so I have a willing model! I have been so excited about all the beautiful newborn pictures I get to take!
The challenge I am most excited, but scared, about is the 3 girls together!

The girls:

Are GROWING!!!!
Olivia, Sofia and PIP! (I swear Pip will have a real name someday before her birth.)
Click the picture for another picture!

Spam comments on a blog??

How lame is that?!?!
I just got done deleting spam from the comments section. Seriously... do people have no shame?
I don't need an internet dating service, thanks.

I really do LOVE him....

But sometimes I want to kick him in the pants.
It's almost noon and he's STILL sleeping??? Help me.

I'm getting ready to take miss Olivia to a "Mad Science" birthday party. What a great idea! Maybe I should offer up some of the older leftovers that are growing things in my fridge. Mold is science. And I need to get rid of them before I do the grocery shopping today. So why not??

I love my husband!

I'm lucky! He's an amazing man. And he's perfect for me. This was taken in Mexico last summer. it's just my favorite picture of us together.

I didn't know......

That I could add pictures!
So... this is why I haven't written anything....... I've been sewing cloth diapers! I am absolutley addicted to everything cloth diaper. Looking at them, making them, thinking about them, embroidering them. I have actually dreamt about them.
I know that's strange. But LOOK at these!!! Way cuter than a pamper! And they don't contribute to the landfill problem :)

Olivia, Sofia and Pip

Olivia has started 4th grade. Ummm.... how did that happen?? Wasn't she *just* a baby? Time definitely flies. She's enjoying her class. She's with the same girls she was with in 1st and 2nd grades. They had a little group of friends and it's pretty neat they all ended up in the same class again. She's a smart girl, too. She breezes through everything given to her. I'm so proud of that kid!
If only she would clean her room! (She's actually doing that now, but I had to tell her no computer OR TV until it was done. She's been up there for 3 hours minus a dinner break. I bet it looks worse than when she went up there!!!)

Sofia's a little fart with feet. She's walking now. All the time. No more crawling. Crawling's for babies. And walking is also for babies. Unless you're carrying something too big for you to carry. The favorite walking game is carrying things and throwing them into the toilet. Mostly pacifiers and cell phones. Well.... one cell phone. And it works again.. after it dried out. So it really doesn't count. I assume she will try and replace it with something more important.
She also got a new potty chair. She likes it. It's a fun toy to stand in. Maybe someday it wil be fun to potty in it.

Pip is getting bigger and bigger. I am becoming increasingly uncomfortable. It's all worth it in the end. The fluid in her kidneys went down! The doctor isn't very concerned at all, which is wonderful. We had a 3D ultrasound and I now exactly what she looks like! I can't wait to meet her. We still don't have a name. 3 months to go.

Did I ever mention....

that I hate the army? I might have, but wasn't quite sure.
It's almost 6:30 and my husband is at a mandatory family meeting. They are ALWAYS rediculous. They never say anything new or important, or that we didn't already know or couldn't have found out the next day.
I'm the one that is supposed to go. But since I won't (because they are rediculous) he is stuck. Which does seem fair since he's the one signing us up for this life. Not me. If it were up to me he'd be out already.
I haven't eaten dinner with him on a workday since he's been home unless I wait to eat until 7pm. He's tired all the time and I swear he falls asleep on the couch after work nearly half the time. It really seems as though I barely see him.

And he's thinking of signing us up again. Joy.

I despise:

The army, the army life, the army mindset, the army schedule, the army, the army, the army.
Thank you.

We are having.....

A healthy baby GIRL! Another girl! The third girl! How amazing is that?!?!
Alex was a bit disappointed at first, but I think the idea is growing on him. I'm thrilled that she's healthy. And that she's a SHE!
We weren't going to find out the gender... but the when the doctor called with the amnio results, she said "You have a healthy baby girl!" All I could do was laugh. I told Alex that she accidentally told me the gender and I just kept laughing. He knew Pip was NOT a boy after that. Pip will not be Christian Alexander this time...

I wonder what we'll name her?!?!

Vacation!! Without the kids!

Visiting the inlaws was quite tiring... It's always SO busy. The girls had a blast and it was a very nice visit. The best part....

We went off for 3 nights on our own!! It was so nice. Alex took me to South Padre Island right on the gulf of Mexico. The water was so warm and it was that shade of blue green that you only see in magazine pictures! We saw dolphins, snorkeled, ate a ton of rich food, took a fireworks cruise, laid on the beach and at the pool (a little too much.. my belly was burned!) it was amazing! Out hotel room was a top floor with a balcony looking right over the beach! On the way home we stopped in San Antonio and had dinner at the Riverwalk... that place was very cool. We also took one of the riverboat rides.

I had a very hard time leaving Sofia for the first time.... especially since she usually still nursed at night. But she did just fine and I guess she decided she was done nursing for good while I was gone because she doesn't want it anymore! She's fully weaned now... and it worked out perfectly. Olivia is such a big girl. What a wonderful and loving big sister. She took such good care of her baby sister. I missed them SO much, I probably called 5 times a day to check on them.

We bought Olivia a shark in a jar as a souvenir. Literally. A dead shark in a jar of, I guess... Formaldehyde? There was a huge shelf of them to choose from. I picked the one with the least terrified look on his face. Olivia just thinks it's the coolest thing. His name is Frederick. She picked the name her self.
I know... normally I am more animal friendly. I mean, I do eat meat... but I generally refrain from purchasing carcasses solely for display. I think Frederick will have to live ONLY in Olivia's room. I can't stand to look at the poor guy.

It was a wonderful trip. I do think, though, that next time we take a trip I'd like to take the girls. They would have loved the beach! Oli especially. She's definitely a beach girl at heart.

Kids are gross sometimes.

And I mean really gross.
Sofia, my little princess, was in the bath last night. I was right there, reading a book. Not really paying attention because she was happily splashing away.
All of the sudden she screams, then cries. I notice something brown in her mouth. I notice brown things floating all around her in the bath. She pooped in there.... must be much easier on the bum than trying to push it into a diaper. She must have thought it looked good too because she took a bite. She must have cried when she realized what a mistake it was.... to eat a turd.
I feel bad. I was right there. I let it happen.
Alex called his mom and told on me. I called my own mom and told her too. The first thing my mom said was... "Did you grab the camera??" Ummm... No. I was trying to wash the turd out of her mouth. Sorry. And I think she was actually disappointed that she was not going to be able to scrapbook that traumatizing moment.

Sofia got a tooth!

Finally, finally, FINALLY! I know there are teeth in there! She seems oblivious to it, so I guess that's good.

The amnio is tomorrow.

I'm so nervous. But I think I really do need to know. The doctor called me today and she thinks everything is just fine. I sure hope so. This will be the longest 2 weeks ever, I think.

How hard is it to get up with the baby?!?!

Just once. I hardly ever ask him to get up and take care of Sofia while I get an extra half hour of sleep. And when I do ask him... he never does it. I could bitch forever about this. I am mad. But I won't. I'll just stop doing things for him when I don't feel like it. Grrrrrrr.

I'm a hypocrite.

I am so ashamed. I never thought I would feel like this... we had our ultrasound. Pip was moving around, heart was strong. But they found 2 markers for chromosomal abnormalities. An echogenic focus on the heart and some fluid, or dilation, of the kidneys. The doctor reassured us that with everything else looking perfect, that she *thought* that everything would be just fine. But she aslo said that sometimes there are NO markers and a baby can still be born with a defect so there is no guarantee. She said that an amnio was an option. I always said I would never have an amnio, and declined it right away. I thought that no matter what, this is my baby and I will have it and raise it.... which is true. I will. But last night I broke down. I was having horrible thoughts. This was NOT part of my plan. And last night as I was crying and telling my husband all of the horrible feelings I was having... he just held me and let me cry. When I asked him what we were going to do if something were wrong with the baby.... he said "We'll feed it, and change it's diaper, and love it." Which made me feel even more like a horrible person. This is not how I thought I would react. I put a call into the doctor that discussed our ultrasound results with us and I think I am going to request to go ahead with the amnio. We have another ultrasound scheduled in a month... but even if the markers are gone, I won't be reassured until I know for sure. If she told me to come in today to have an amnio, I would. I never thought that I would do that. But this is something I think I need to prepare for. I don't want to keep false hope, and also be a nervous wreck through out the rest of my pregnancy.
I'll be more that thrilled if we find out nothing is wrong. But if there is... I need to be ready.
Somehow, I feel like something IS wrong. Deep down I think I know.

Pip was kicking away last night, and I wasn't even excited about it like I was before the ultrasound. I feel sick about this. I do love this baby but I am scared.

Her feet work!!!!!

At 17 months 1 day old, My Sofia FINALLY took her first steps!!! I almost cried!
Olivia was sad to have missed it, but she took a couple more this morning just for her big sister.

I told Alex that she must have been waiting for Daddy to come home. She didn't want him to miss it! He missed the first ones anyway.... but I called him right in and he was witness to her second set of steps. It's amazing, how they grow.

Sometimes I have horrible thoughts.

I'm sure it's just a normal part of being a mother. Sometimes I can't stop myself from thinking about if the worst were to happen. If something were to happen to my children..... God better take me too, because I wouldn't want to survive. I know I would collapse and I'm not sure I could get up.
I *think* this is normal. Maybe not so much. I worry about house fires.... mostly along those lines.... where I would have a chance to save them, but couldn't.
I need my Little Miss Olivia and my Sofia Stinkerina. I really, really do. So, please, keep them safe.

I DON'T have to share my husband on his first day home!

And there is absolutely NOTHING wrong with that.
We had a wonderful first day home. We went to walk around Pike Place, bought some raspberries, apricots and Cajun almonds. We wanted to spend the day together, alone. So that is what we did. I'm sorry if that offended anyone. Or hurt anyone's feelings. But he's MY husband and it's ONE day!! (Not to mention the ONE day he got off work before he had to go back in today to start this monotonous routine all over again!)


On a nicer note... Sofia stood up from the floor holding on to NOTHING this morning. She just did it! And I saw it! She looked like she thought she was SO BIG! And you could tell she was thrilled with herself. Maybe she'll do it for Daddy later.

Miss Olivia will be home Sunday from Tricities and Alex has a bear for her. It's very cute and it has these huge feet! So funny. She has been sleeping with a stuffed dog that Alex got her for Christmas. She missed him while he was gone. I don't think she'll ever admit it, but I could tell.


P.S.
I *think* he really DID like the Asado!

I know they don't do it to piss me off intentionally...

But can the army EVER do what they say they'll do? Can a flight just be on time? Just once??

Geez.

At least I got some cooking done. I made Asado (pork in a red chile sauce) and homemade refried beans which aren't done yet, but smell SO good! I've been tasting so much sauce, though, that I'm not hungry. I hope Alex likes it because the chile sauce takes TIME! But if he doesn't, I know it won't go to waste! That man will eat ANYTHING. And he'll choke it down and swear that it was the best thing he ever tasted! I can tell, though, by the look on his face whether or not he is telling the truth. I KNOW he hated the fish tacos I made but he denies it to this day.

Can we be done now??

I wrote out something longer. A lot longer. But it was turning bitter. And I don't want to be like that. So I'll just ask..... Haven't we done this long enough?? Can I have my husband home for good now? Can our children finally have a father around??

And here I go wanting to be sarcastic again so I will stop writing for now. And I'll cuss him out (nicely, of course) when he gets home.

I have SO much to do!

I'm not completely sure why I wait until the last minute to do things that need to be done. I have a matter of days before my hero comes home, and here I sit. I DID pay bills today and I do suppose that those are a bit more important than a clean toilet. Maybe not, though, since Sofia will dive in with both hands in a split second. Luckily Olivia flushes every time because she thinks the dog might not like potty water. Olivia actually thinks the dog needs a fresh bowl of water on the floor.... I say the toilet IS pretty fresh. As long as we flush. I thought everyone gave their dog free access to the toilet.
That isn't the only thing that needs cleaning... it's just one thing on a list of about 10. I'll get it done. You'll see.

Why do your eyes pop open at the first sign of daylight?

Miss Sofia May,
I know you're little, but you really DO have to do what I say. And I say GO BACK TO SLEEP! Your sister is still asleep. And so is the cat. And I would be too if not for your eyes popping open just because a little ray of light came through the window. I'm sure it would be futile to explain, but it IS summer. In the summer, the sun comes up sooner and stays up later. This does not effect bedtime.. and your protests don't help your cause. I will win this battle!

I thought... "Only 40 people."

What a horrible place the world is sometimes when one would think "Only 40 people." when a terror attack kills. How am I so hardened that even 40 people dying doesn't shock me.

And then I catch myself thinking that thought and it hits me like a brick. 40 people is a lot of people. And in those 40 people many other lives were destroyed. For the families and friends of those 40... those 40 people were the entire world. And for all of the people who are experiencing what we experienced on September 11th for the first time... close to their OWN home, the feeling of safety and security has been ripped out from under their feet. Until the next attack when they themselves think "Only 40 people." and then realize what 40 people mean.

I want my husband home with me but on days like this I understand why he has to be gone.